The Real Meaning of Judaism…

Several months ago I read a truly inane article about the Proposition 8 debate on Huffington Post. The author claimed he just couldn’t determine if he was for or against Prop 8 because the two sides refused to discuss the matter in a calm and measure manner, and that somehow his Jewish belief in intellectual rigor prevented him from making a decision. The comment section limited the length of my response, so I chose to write the author instead. The following is the full text of my response:

Look, I don’t normally write letters to random writers with whom I disagree, but your article really rubbed me the wrong way. As I am so often reminded in the feminist groups to which I belong, it is not the job of the oppressed to coddle the people who oppress them, it is not their responsibility to be civil and polite and say “Can’t we all just get along?” and try to work things out so that no one’s feelings get hurt. It is the right of the oppressed to be angry that injustice is being committed against them, and it is up to the other side to listen and to learn, not to say “Why can’t you be nicer? Why are you so angry”

How can you equate the anger of an oppressed group with the hate spewed forth by their oppressors? How can you possibly say that a person fighting for their civil rights, fighting to be considered equal in the eyes of the law, is the same as the person fighting to keep things unequal? Don’t kid yourself – the two sides of this story don’t have anything in common, anymore than Jews have something in common with Nazis, or KKK members with blacks. Would you say it is up to the Jews to explain to the Nazis in a calm and rational way why they are human beings, too?

Can you blame queers for being angry? After years of suffering through anti-sodomy laws and assassinated leaders, after being denied the right to care for their sick loved ones and being thrown out of hospital rooms? After being arrested in the street for being who they were, after being spit on and blamed for having AIDS, after losing their jobs and their children and having no recourse in the eyes of the law? After being beaten and raped and tortured and murdered?

Oh yeah, to be angry over all of that, to accuse the society that has committed these acts of being full of violence and degradation and hate, to cry out against injustice, that’s exactly the same thing as thinking gay marriage just isn’t totally peachy keen because, y’know, you think god might have said so, or because you think gay sex is kinda gross. I can totally see how you because confused.

This isn’t an obscure religious argument to mull over for centuries – the right to marry is presided over by the state. And Jews, as a group who has so often felt the sting of racism and hatred and oppression, should be the first people to stand up and fight for the equal rights of others. It should be considered our responsibility as Jews to stand in solidarity and say “No” when someone is being denied rights because of who they are, not to sit around and mull over whether or not a compelling argument for equal rights has been made.

In this particular battle, there weren’t multiple choices. There was either equal rights through marriage or no rights at all. Even if you personally disagree with the state’s involvement in the definition and continuation of marriage, to vote for Prop 8 was not to fight the institution of marriage as a whole, or to suggest a whole new way of recognizing the validity of relationships between people, and it didn’t leave any option open for the same rights to be distributed in another way – there wasn’t some Prop 9 on the ballot that was supporting same-sex civil unions or validating alternative relationships or taking away the right to marry from everyone – it just said “No, there are people in our state who don’t deserve the rights that are accorded to others.” And, in fact, in the case of Prop 8, they were rights that had been granted by the state courts, and this vote was not just denying the rights to people, it was actively taking them away.

There is a time to argue and a time to fight. If you are someone who doesn’t believe in the institution of marriage, then you don’t have to get married. If you believe marriage is a religious institution, then you are free to marry in the religious ceremony of your choice, ignoring the civil rights entirely. But to vote for Prop 8 because of a personal philosophy is to actively deny millions of other people access to health care, pensions, adoption rights, immigration and citizenship, and legal protection, and I just don’t find that decision to be a morally right one.

I hope you reconsider the things you are saying, appreciate how they might be hurtful to others, and take a long hard look at yourself and why you haven’t felt you’ve reached a state of “blissful certitude” over this issue.